Setbacks derail our plans and sometimes the course of our lives. If you are reading this blog post, you have likely experienced a setback yourself. I offer 10 steps on ways to turn your setbacks into success. My hope is by sharing my experience, it will give you some hope that things will get better and you’ll know that God has a good plan for your life. You don’t need to take my words since the Word of God says it better

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord,
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you a hope and a future”. (Jeremiah 29:11)

God’s word is 100 percent true, and reliable, but when a REAL setback hits, it’s very hard to feel hopeful or to think success may be right around the corner. As a whole, I’ve had a very wonderful life. But like most of us, I’ve had my share of crushing setbacks. To give you a glimmer of a few of them to illustrate that I can completely relate to the sadness associated with setbacks, here goes. Within in a year’s time, my fiancé died suddenly of a heart attack, eleven weeks later my mom was diagnosed with cancer, and then a few months later, my dream job in which I was working, was eliminated. To say these events knocked the wind out of my sails, is an understatement. I felt all washed up at 20 something. To say the least, it was not a good year. With each of these devastating events, as well as many other equally crushing disappointments I’ve experienced since, looking back now, I can honestly say these events turned out to be divine appointments with God.

Even now as I acknowledge this reality, the idea that our setbacks, our disappointments, may be divine appointments with God seems quite ludicrous. Especially when you are in the midst of the raw emotion associated with significant losses. My life experiences do shed light on ways God does work with us when he has our attention more acutely at the height of our lows in life.

God does want what is best for us. He wants us to be happy, and does have a plan for us. But sometimes we need a course correction even when we think we are doing what God wants or what we think will make us happy. God knows what is best. He knows where he wants us to be and to go, heaven eventually, but in the meantime, also to be happy here on earth.

“Be content with what you have; for he has said,
‘I will never fail you nor forsake you’.”  (Hebrews 13:5)

The setback you are going through may not be as devastating as having a loved one die, but in the midst of a tragedy or a less severe setback, God is there to help you, guide you and comfort you. Here are the 10 steps I have used to survive and thrive following those setbacks and many other ones I’ve had since then. I hope these help you.

1. Trust God. This is really when the rubber meets the road when it comes to faith. This is one of the first thoughts that went through my head once I got the call from my fiancé’s sister telling me my fiancé had died. I had to ask myself, what did I really believe? For me, as devastated as I was, I did know God was real, he loved me, and he had a good plan for me. But I was kind of like, okay, God, now what?
2. Connect with Those who Support You. I have a fantastic family, and many very good friends, and professional colleagues. They all were so helpful in supporting me, listening to me, being there for me no matter day or night. It mattered. A lot. They were there!!
3. Grieve. Yes. It sounds obvious. It is, but any kind of setback, job loss, death, or even a lesser disappointment, it will cause some sadness, because you lost something. You had in your mind that things were headed in a different direction. and things abruptly change, and not in a good way! I can relate. I had my life all planned out. The beautiful children and home I’d have and the continuation of my awesome career. All that got swept away in a few months time. So take time to grieve your loss or setback. It ultimately helps you to heal and be prepared to move on to what God has for you next.
4. Be Patient. Like most. I don’t like to wait. When you experience a setback, most people want to move on, get out of the pain, and turn the page. Easier said than done. But what helped me was to mentally and actually push out the timeline towards moving forward and lower my standards or redefine my idea of progress on moving forward. That gave me a more realistic time frame to get to a better place.
5. Reevaluate Your Life Goals. I’m a very proactive person. My professional work running a PR firm requires being strategic. So while I was grieving and “being patient” I did move to step #5 which is this step, “reevaluate”. I realized that I wasn’t going to marry the person I had planned on, but I did still want to get married. Even though my dream job got eliminated, I still wanted to work in the same field. So while my vision and dreams changed drastically in one way, I realized I still had these same goals. While they wouldn’t be exactly lived out the same way, I could still pursue them. This helped a lot. No matter what you lost in the setback, you may be able to keep the same or similar goal and still reach it. You may realize that the direction or goal you had wasn’t all that great, so your new goal may be different. That’s okay too. Determine where you want to go, and what you want is key.
6. Set A Realistic Goal. With a vision of your goal in place, you want and be realistic about how you are going to get there. I could write an entire book on this topic. I like to get things done fairly quickly, but I’ve learned over time and working on many projects for myself or for clients, that having a realistic goal, strategy and timeline is an absolute must. There will be setbacks inside the overall setback that you have had. Things generally take longer to accomplish than anticipated, and if something goes faster, that’s fine, but give yourself plenty of time to make small steps towards your goal and you’ll feel so good making small progress towards your overall goal.
7. Make A Plan. It’s time to make a plan. The rug really was pulled out from under me in two major areas of my life at roughly a same time. I had barely recovered from the first tragedy when my job got eliminated. In some ways, losing the job was even more painful because it involved betrayal from an organization and people I truly loved. On the relationship front, my plan was to get back out there by joining a few Catholic singles groups to rebuild my social life with both making female friends as well as possible suitors. I met my husband at one of those singles groups 6 weeks after the death of my fiancé. On the employment front, I decided to start my own communications business to help Catholic nonprofits better communicate their message. Nearly 25 years later, I’m happily married to the man I met at the singles group and I’m still running the business I created. (There are happy endings in life!)
8. Pray. Pray. Pray. I did this throughout all these steps. Even when I felt completely lost in terms of my plan or way forward, I knew God was there, loving me, and directing my steps, even when it really didn’t feel like it. Sometimes you have to let the truth of God’s word, your faith and trust in Him, to override your terrible feelings of hopelessness, pessimism or sadness. It’s All About The Grace after all!! Rely on God’s grace, and put your faith over your fear, and feelings. Prayer is a conversation with God. To be honest, I did tell God exactly how I was feeling. God got an earful, or universe-full of my justifiably upset trash talk, but when my upset rant was done, and when I was willing to listen, God did provide comfort, consolations and guidance along the way.
9. Take Some Risks & Get Out of Your Comfort Zone. Moving forward after a setback requires some risk. In some cases, it takes a lot of risk to put yourself back out there. To rebuild my life really required me to step out in faith, but more than anything, to take some risks to get back on the horse. This is where I went back to my goals. I had to go back and reflect on what did I really want out of life. I wanted to be married and I wanted to promote Catholic ministries. I joined a Catholic singles group. And started my own business. Both steps involved difficult hurdles to overcome. With God’s grace and really his lead, I took the first step, and ultimately it all worked out. But it was risky in many ways emotionally and financially. Actually, yes, stepping out in faith is risky, but I do think I was being lead in some ways by God all the way, and I was actually doing what more aligned with his will and what would ultimately bring me more joy than I could ever have imagined.
10. Have Hope. Easier said than done. When you are reeling with emotion over a setback, this is very hard to do. Have hope. It’s only through looking back at these experiences that I can say in hindsight, to have hope, because I know how the story ended up. I’ve been happily married to a wonderful man for many years, I have a beautiful family, home and awesome career. As I mentioned, I’m still working the business that I created all those years ago, and still loving it. But when things looked grim, I knew God had a plan. I trusted God even though I felt deep, life-crushing sorrow. And ultimately the destination I arrived at was likely the plan and place all along, because God knew where I’d be most happy. (He was right!)

No matter what your setbacks, where you are in your journey or where God is taking you in your life, God has a plan. God cares for you and knows where you are going. Be open to His plan, and know that His plan for your life is far better anything you could hope for or imagine. I know. My life has been awesome. And yours can be too!

Let me know in the comment section if you find any of these steps helpful or if they resonate with you. Feel free to drop me a line at [email protected] or follow me on my social channels, YouTube channel or subscribe to this blog to receive encouraging posts, videos, podcasts and social media content.

God loves you! God Bless!

Brigid