Presenters offer ways to have a JoyPowered Family
By: Brigid Curtis Ayer
Carmel, IN—What is joy? It’s a simple question. It’s a goal people seek to achieve throughout most of their lives.
JoDee Curtis, founder of Purple Ink, and presenter of the JoyPowered Family, defined joy as everlasting happiness with God. Curtis offered ways to reach joy and have a JoyPowered Family during a Jan. 27, joint presentation with Denise McGonigal, at Our Lady of Mt. Carmel.
“So many people are waiting for joy to just happen, to show up on their doorstep and ring the bell,” said Curtis. “But joy isn’t a rare phenomenon that randomly appears out of thin air. Rather, it is a state of wellbeing we can choose for ourselves and our families daily.”
This message was good news for the group of families who attended the presentation, including children of all ages.
Curtis outlined the four levels of happiness. The levels are: 1. Immediate Gratification: I do something, and it brings me some joy, such as, eating a steak, or buying a new phone. 2. Personal Achievement: Ego. I earn a degree or receive a sporting recognition. 3. Good Beyond Self: Giving. I begin to do things for others. In giving you receive. A deeper level of this is the fourth stage. 4. The Ultimate Good. I participate in giving and receiving ultimate meaning, goodness, ideals, and love. Curtis said, “It’s understanding our relationship with Jesus. It’s union with God, finding that true deeper sense of joy.”
Curtis made a distinction between happiness and joy saying “Happiness is external. It is dependent on outside situations, people, or events to align with your expectations so that the end result is your happiness. Whereas joy, is a spiritual quality, that is internal. Joy comes when you make peace with who you are, where you are, why you are, and who you are not with,” she said. “Joy doesn’t have an expiration date. Don’t need to wait for it,” said Curtis. “We have to find joy in our own hearts and souls. We can choose joy.”
When examining what makes people find joy, Curtis found that people were 12 times more likely to report joy when they spent a quarter of their hours with either family, friends or loved ones.
And when it comes to the secrets of happy couples. Curtis said that relationship guru, John Gottman, who spent his entire professional career studying the secrets of happy couples and marital joy, found through scientific research, a five to one ratio for a happy couple. What that means is happy couples have a (5:1 ratio), five positive interactions with each other for everyone negative interaction. This translates to 83 percent of their day involves loving and supportive biddings toward each other and only 17 percent of their day is spent in negative dialogue or action. Couples who divorced reported a ratio of .8 positive to one negative or a (0.8 to 1 ratio) of positive to negative.
Gottman, who authored, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, found that kindness is the most important virtue and predictor of a satisfying and stable marriage. “Kindness fosters joy,” said Curtis.
Denise McGonigal, also of Purple Ink, offered some examples of kindness. Celebrating life’s joys and good news together. Being excited for the other person when things go well, and compassionate when they don’t. “Kindness is how you interact on a daily basis,” said McGonigal. “It’s the affection you share and feeling that you are in life together.”
She quoted Pope Saint John Paul, II, who said, “We are not the sum of our weaknesses and failures. We are the sum of our strength of the father’s love for us.” McGonigal said, “Christians have a tendency to focus on sin, what is bad about a person. Often times we focus on the weaknesses and failures, rather than what is good about a person.”
McGonigal then outlined a comparison between weakness-fixing versus strengths-based thinking. She said that in the strengths finder process, it directs a person how to attain strengths. Using a strengths-based approach for success, it’s about living your strengths. She added that Pope Benedict says we become the image of God’s son. It is an unmistakable mark of the Holy Spirit. “In living our strengths, it helps us become the image of joy, the image of Christ,” she said. “Rather than shoring up weaknesses, we focus on building on our strengths.”
Applying these principles to family life, McGonigal said two essentials for family joy habits are: 1) Focusing on what is right with me; and 2) what did I do right today. McGonigal said noticing the good in ourselves and in our family members, and telling them what they are doing well, right on a daily basis will help families attain joy.
McGonigal offered a personal story of how she and her husband took many nice vacations with her four children when they were growing up, but the trip her family liked the best was the one where they served the poor in Appalachia. She found that when her daughters were using their gifts to serve others, they found the most joy.
The JoyPowered Family presentation was based on a book with the same title. In the book, Curtis and McGonigal share experiences and stories submitted by over a hundred families, including their own, on how to embrace the many faces of joy – in celebration and sorrow, work and play, calm and chaos. The JoyPowered Family book is the second of the JoyPowered series. First book was about joy and engagement in the workplace. To learn more about the JoyPowered series go to www. getjoypowered.com .
Tips to Create a JoyPowered Family
Intentionally make five kind comments to each other before one negative comment (5:1 ratio)
Call, email, or text each other daily to check in
Perform one act of kindness a day for each member of the family
Do someone’s chore
Eat dinner together
Share when/where you saw joy or kindness in your day
Notice family members’ gifts/strengths in action. Make a point to affirm them!
Help each other with homework every night
Help prepare and clean up after meals together every night
Pray together every day at dinner. Ask each other, “Who needs prayers?”
Perform three kind acts weekly together
Here is a podcast of a recent episode of Faith In Action with Co-Host, Brigid Ayer. Brigid interviews Denise McGonigal about JoyPowered Families. Click play below. Enjoy!!